


Widomauk Secret Santa 2018- Tunnels and Talking

by Ataraxxi



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, It sort of is, M/M, Panic Attacks, Secret Santa, can this be considered hurt comfort, man im new to posting fanfic what sort of stuff do you tag, probably fits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-10 04:37:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17419214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ataraxxi/pseuds/Ataraxxi
Summary: Titles are hard man.Widomauk Discord Secret Santa 2018 for Bex on discord. Prompt: molly + claustrophobia + caleb talking him out of a panic attack





	Widomauk Secret Santa 2018- Tunnels and Talking

**Author's Note:**

> Having never experienced a panic attack myself before, I hope I wrote one well! (I also haven't written fic in forever, so hopefully this is to your liking!) Happy Holidays, all, but especially to Bex from the Widomauk discord. This one's for you!

“Hey! I think I found a way out over here!” Jester's voice took on an odd quality as it bounced back and forth among the damp stone walls of the cave.

They had been stuck here for hours now, and Caleb couldn't help but blame himself. Jester had spotted the cave entrance from the road while they were traveling, and in her ever-abundant curiosity, she demanded they 'just take a quick look, just two seconds I promise, what if there's _treasure_ in there or something’. 

If only Caleb had sent Frumpkin in first to scout it out, like a sensible man. If only he'd noticed the signs of occupation at the entrance, or read them for what they were. One bandit ambush and a handful of explosive mishaps later, they were stuck. The cave in at the entrance could take days to clear away, by his estimate, and they couldn't afford to leave their horses alone so long. He was worried they'd already have wandered into danger or been taken by a passerby.

What a mess this was. 

With a long sigh, Caleb followed the sound of Jester's voice deeper into the cave system. A flick of his fingers brought the pale globules of light he'd been using to see along with him, one beaming silently above his head. 

“The others are just behind me,” Nott's voice said at his side. He'd long since gotten used to her habit of appearing as if from nowhere, and it didn't startle him like it used to. She was small and so good at moving silently when she wanted to that even without trying she could escape notice. Even now, despite the damp cave floor, her clawed feet made no sound he could hear above the comparatively obnoxious slapping of his tough leather boots. 

“No one is lost, then?” Caleb asked. There'd been several paths branching off from the first entrance and they'd split off into groups to make searching them all a bit faster. 

Nott shook her head. “Everyone is accounted for.” 

As if in confirmation, Caleb could already hear Molly's voice carrying from behind them. He was saying something to Fjord about the awful smell of the place- and it was awful. This far back, the air was musty and stale, smelling of dirt and algae and mold. 

He turned a corner, sending a light drifting ahead of him with a twist of his wrist, and his eyes were immediately drawn to Jester's rump sticking high up in the air, her bright blue tail lashing back and forth like a frustrated cat's. Blinking once, Caleb turned to survey the rest of the cavern.

Calling it a cavern was generous to say the least. It was more a slight bulging outward of the vein he'd followed, and then what looked at first like a dead end. The ceiling here was about ten feet over his head by his estimation, and the far wall- where Jester was crouched on all fours pulling at a few clumps of rock and silt- was bisected by a long crack that opened up into a small passage perhaps two feet high and three wide. 

What made the passage important, however, was the tiny trickle of water that flowed out of it, forming a shallow puddle in the center of the room before spilling off through another much tinier hole, and the faint breeze of fresh air that came with it. 

Jester hopped up from the floor and whipped around on one heel, pointing to the larger hole in the wall. “That thing goes outside, I'm sure of it!” Jester exclaimed. “I just don't know if the hole gets smaller or not further up. Can you send Frumpkin through to check it out?” 

Caleb nodded, wordlessly summoning Frumpkin with a snap of his fingers. He mentally directed the cat into the hole, and picked a spot against the wall to sit as Frumpkin padded away from him. He was aware of Fjord- and Molly's voice coming round the corner, and of the wetness already seeping up into his trousers, and then he urged his senses away. There was a familiar disorienting flicker, and then he was seeing through Frumpkin's eyes.

\--

“So, what's this about a way out I hear?” Molly asked, rounding the corner into the small cavern where Jester, Caleb, and Nott already waited. Caleb sat against the wall, eyes glowing a milky white- a sign he was reading his cat's senses, and wouldn't be able to hear him. 

Jester pointed to a hole in the wall from which a small stream of water flowed. “Frumpkin is checking it out now. That hole smells like outside, so it probably leads there,” Jester announced, setting her hands on her hips and lifting her chin a little bit. She flashed a toothy grin, and Molly smiled back at her, though unease settled in his stomach. 

“Is Beau with you?” Jester asked, craning her head around to look behind Molly.

“She's just behind us, with Yasha,” Fjord confirmed. “Be here any minute now.” 

“Great! Wonderful. I can't wait to get out of this stinky, drippy cave. What time do you think it is out there?”

“We should have a little less than an hour before sundown,” Caleb said. 

Molly blinked. He hadn't noticed Caleb coming out of his trance. “Welcome back,” Molly said, sidling over to offer Caleb a hand up. Caleb looked at him, and Molly didn't miss the moment of hesitation before he took it and pulled himself to his feet.

Beau and Yasha, a clever looking contrast of bulky and lithe, pale skin and dark brown, turned the corner just as Caleb said, “It narrows a bit a little ways in, but we should be able to make it.” Caleb squinted a little in Yasha's direction. “Yasha may have to squeeze a little. After a hundred or so feet it opens up onto the hillside. The coast is clear out there so the bandits must not have known of this passage, or at least weren't using it as an emergency escape route.”

Molly glanced back at the hole, then to Caleb once more. “Are… you sure that's the only way out?” He tugged at the sleeves of his coat almost out of habit. Running his fingertips over the textured embroidery helped ease nerves. “We have to take that way?” 

Caleb looked at him, and he felt heat rise in his cheeks at the obvious scrutiny with which he was being studied. After a silence, Caleb looked away and asked, “Will that be an issue?” 

Molly shook his head quickly. “No, no! Well, not really. I just… Didn't want to get mud on my coat is all! No big deal. I can get it washed when we get into town.”

“Of course,” Caleb nodded. 

With nothing left to say really, one by one the group of them got down onto all fours or onto their stomachs and began the slow crawl forward through the tiny passage. Nott wemt first, hardly having to do more than duck to fit through the initial opening, then Fjord close behind. Jester followed him, and Beau motioned for Yasha to go before her. “‘m gonna like the view,” she said in a stage-whisper with a wink. 

“You are incorrigible,” Molly said, tutting and shaking his head, but grinning all the same.

“You know it,” Beau returned, then ducked down to shimmy into the hole herself.

Finally, only Caleb and Molly were left behind.

Molly was shifting foot to foot restlessly. Without looking at him, Caleb said “Would you like to go next?”

Molly looked at the hole, and couldn't suppress a grimace. The cave's stale air was becoming oppressive, and there was a tightness in his chest that gripped him like a fist. “Oh, nah, you go ahead. I don't mind being last,” he chuckled unconvincingly. 

“Very well,” Caleb nodded, then secured his scarf more carefully and made for the hole. 

\--

Caleb, after years in the asylum, months wandering the outskirts of towns as a vagabond, and a brief stint in prison had all come together to make Caleb a rather gaunt, fragile-looking man. At times he was greatful for this, because the more unassuming you looked, the less unwanted attention you drew. This particular time, he was grateful to his scrawny build for making the tight crawl through the the exit tunnel an easy task. The walls were rough and damp, so by the time he hauled himself out of the far entrance he was cold, wet, and shivering, but he was no longer trapped, and that was the important part.

He straightened himself up on the grassy hillside where the rest of the Mighty Nein waited and made a halfhearted effort at brushing bits of sand and silt off the front of his coat. 

Immediately, Nott was by his side, picking bits of rock off his pant leg. “You've ah, got a bit of moss in your hair,” she advised him, and he murmured a quiet thank you as he ran a hand through his hair to shake the offending plant life loose. 

Beau approached him, then peered around him at the whole from which he had just emerged. “Molly was just behind you, right?” She asked. 

Raising a quizzical brow, Caleb nodded. “I believe so, yes.”

“So… why isn't he out yet?” 

\--

Molly felt as though the walls were closing in on him. 

And that was silly, of course. Everyone else had made it through the tight part of the tunnel without issue. Even Yasha, with her bulky muscles and broad shoulders, made it through with a little bit of shifting and shimmying. With his slender dancer’s build he should have been able to make it through easily. 

Instead, here he was, frozen in place, the stench of dirt and moss clogging up his senses. His eyes were wide, darting left and right frantically. He could see in the dark just fine, could see that the walls weren’t moving, but his breath came in panicked gasps and his heart hammered in his chest so loud he was sure they must be able to hear him outside. Every time he blinked, he was back there again, crushed by the weight of his grave dirt, clawing desperately to make the surface and take his first breath. 

He closed his eyes once more, and though he was sure he’d only kept them shut for a moment, when he opened them, Caleb was there maybe five feet away, shimmying back down the tunnel toward him. 

“C-Caleb,” he gasped, forcing on a saucy grin despite his heart beating against his ribs like a caged bird. “What are you doing coming back here? Miss me already?” 

Caleb frowned. Molly swallowed. Caleb spoke, “You have been down here an awfully long time. The rest of us were beginning to worry. Are you stuck?”  
Molly let out a bark of laughter that was much more shrill than he thought it would be, then cleared his throat. “Stuck? O-of course not. I’m fine! Just ah, enjoying the atmosphere…?” he offered, more question than answer. 

Caleb studied him for a long silent moment, long enough for Molly to lose control of his breath once more, long enough for him to notice his whole body trembling in violent full-body shivers. Try as he might, he couldn’t stop his hands from shaking. Caleb would see. Caleb would see and know his shame, know how pathetic he was. He would die here in the ground like he was born, only with the shame of disappointing Caleb and the others. He could fight beasts of all manner, but a small, dark hole ended him. He shut his eyes, cursing in his mind. 

Then he opened them when he felt something warm wrap itself around his hand. It was Caleb, holding his hand, an empathetic look in his eyes. “Focus on your breathing, Mollymauk,” Caleb said, his lilting Zemnian accent gentle and soothing. “I will count it for you, can you breathe with me?”

 _Of course,_ Molly thought, and if he’d had the room to do so, he would have hit himself. Of course Caleb would not shame him for this. Molly had seen how he behaved after violent battles involving fire magic. Hell, Molly had _helped_ him through those episodes, snapped him out of his memories and into the present. Caleb would understand. Caleb might be one of the few people in the world who would understand. Swallowing again, Molly nodded.

Caleb offered his own shaky approximation of a comforting smile (it looked awful on him, but wonderful at the same time; too fake, but gods did it make him want to see a real smile on that scruffy face) and began counting out breaths. Molly closed his eyes and tried to breathe with the numbers, but as before the darkness behind his eyelids held only memories of that dark hole in the ground, and he couldn’t focus. 

“Open your eyes, Molly,” Caleb prompted softly, rubbing his thumb over the back of Molly’s hand. “Just look at me. Look into my eyes.” 

Molly opened his eyes and did as he was told, and he couldn’t help thinking, offhand, how any other time Caleb was avoidant of any eye contact at all. Yet here he was, holding Molly’s gaze unflinching. _His eyes would be blue in the light,_ Molly thought, staring into eyes made grey by his inherent night vision. _I wish I could stare at them then. They would be beautiful._

They spent several minutes like that. Molly counted the flecks of lighter color in Caleb’s eyes while he breathed along with Caleb’s steady voice. Briefly, Caleb’s counting faltered, and Molly furrowed his brow. “Nott Messaged me,” he said in explanation. “I was responding to the message, to let her know we are okay.” After a pause, he asked, “Do you think you are okay to move now?” 

Molly took stock of himself. His breathing was even now. His heart rate had slowed. What previously had felt like an impossible squeeze through walls closing in now felt like just… a tunnel. One he could make it through. “I… I think so,” he said shakily. Caleb nodded. 

“Well, I will make it just a little bit easier on you, I think,” Caleb said, then murmured a few arcane words under his breath, sprinkling gritty grey dust over Molly’s hand. Suddenly, the tunnel- and Caleb- grew bigger. 

No, that wasn’t right. He was smaller, half the size he was before. It wasn’t even a squeeze any more. At this size, he could crawl through the tunnel on all fours. Molly couldn’t help a grin. “You damned genius,” he said, reaching out to pat Caleb on the shoulder. Caleb winced, but Molly was sure he saw a darkening of skin around his cheeks that must indicate a blush. 

“You are too kind, Mollymauk. Now, shall we get out of here?” He asked, and was already shimmying carefully backward. 

\--

Caleb was relieved when he felt his boots hit grass instead of gravel. He was worried that retreating backward from the tunnel would be too difficult a task to complete on his own, and it would be awful for two of them to need rescuing, but when he finally made it far back enough to lean up onto his knees and then sit up on his haunches, he breathed out a sigh. 

Molly was just there in front of him, his pure red eyes glimmering in the light from the mouth of the tunnel, and Caleb held out a hand to help him the last few feet into the open. Molly took it gladly, and he and Caleb came to their feet together. 

“He got a little stuck,” Caleb said to the anxious waiting party. “I Reduced him to make it an easier fit.” 

Molly released Caleb’s hand and scampered over to the rest of the party, coming to a stop in front of Nott, with whom he was now nearly of a height. He turned this way and that, flaring out his coattails with his arms and grinning like he hadn’t just been having a panic attack in the tunnel back there. That was fine, Caleb thought. He could understand not wanting to give any sign of your mental vulnerabilities. 

“What do you think?” Molly asked, flashing pearly white fangs. “I’m pretty cute at this size if I do say so myself.” 

“Still not as cute as me,” Nott countered, insincerity clear in her voice.

“Aww, we’re at least equals, don’t you think, Caleb?” Molly asked, turning on one foot to face him. 

“You’re both… small,” Caleb said, trying to keep to the most neutral answer possible. Nott was very dear to him, but Molly… Molly was a special case. 

“Hey!” Molly piped up, padding back over to Caleb and pulling on his pant leg at the knee. “Carry me like you do Nott sometimes,” he demanded, holding his arms up to Caleb. 

Caleb couldn’t help the heat filling his cheeks. Molly was unbearably adorable. “Very well,” he conceded, leaning down to scoop Molly up into his arms. Molly for his part seemed surprised. 

“I didn’t expect that to work,” he murmured under his breath, thinking Caleb did not hear him. 

“I will only carry you until the spell wears off, so that will be-” Caleb’s brief moment of mental calculation was cut off as Molly felt the magic around him dissipate, and he grew suddenly to normal size, still in Caleb’s arms. Caleb cursed and toppled forward with the sudden extra weight, and after a precarious moment, collapsed in a heap with Molly beneath him. 

Like this, their faces were inches apart, Molly’s head framed by Caleb’s elbows in the damp grass. Caleb froze. Molly thought, Yes, his eyes are gorgeous this close in the light, and then Caleb was scrambling off him, cursing in Zemnian and apologizing in common. 

Fluster was a cute look on him. Molly would have to make a point to fluster him more often.


End file.
